xz (troublonia) wrote in vicflicks,

zombie movies

have you ever watched your great grandmother dance the lambada?


do you know why? it's because she is either a) dead; or b) smart enough to know when to move on.

this is a lesson sylvester stallone has not learned.

i watched Rocky Balboa. it was, at best, a zombie movie. a movie about what happens when you die but your body keeps moving anyway.

the best part of it was the four second flashback from the original Rocky in which lamentably dead Burgess Meredith spits some encouragement from his twisted lips (zombies!). the worst part was being reminded that Burgess Meredith died and Sly continues to make movies in which he plays a boxing hero.

give me a fucking break. he's sixty. he looks sixty. in the numerous scenes in which he squares off -- jokingly or not -- with his son, some local hooligan, and the world champion you don't think, "uh oh. (fill in the blank) is gonna get whupped." you think, "my grandma broke a hip that way." but does sly back down? does sly age with grace? no.

which is all especially sad as the movie as about aging with grace. rocky mumbles meat-headed platitudes to his son:

...it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done.

which means what, exactly, in the context of this film and sly's career? that you should make a complete stinker of a picture as if you were still a young man and if they make fun of you, keep moving forward?

listen rock. that's not good advise. you need burgess meredith around to instruct you. he'd say something like, "you ain't a kid no more! you wanna get killed? wrestle a train. you wanna act a man? find some young kid and train 'im!"

but burgess meredith is dead. and so is sly's career because he's too unimaginative to picture himself as anything but what he used to be.

that's why this is a zombie movie. what do zombies want? brains! why do they want them? brains! i honestly feel kinda bad for sly. he's decided to go out there and fight even though people are gonna make fun of him (just like in the movie), but it's a humiliating disaster. in the film rocky manages -- against all odds, reason, and laws of physics -- to go ten rounds with the champ who is FORTY YEARS YOUNGER and just barely misses being handed the win in a split decision.

the real sylvester stallone doesn't have movie magic in his life. he's gonna go ten rounds with Deja Vu and The Good Shepherd and Letters From Iwo Jima. except no one is rooting for him to knock these young upstarts (if you can call Clint Eastwood a young upstart...) off their pedestal. he's just going to get knocked out cold and probably break his hip.

when you grow older, it's traditional to grow up.

william shatner did it right. if he tried to play captain kirk now he'd be just as big a joke as sly is. instead he recorded an album called Has Been. if you haven't given it a listen, i highly recommend it. in it he admits that he's come and gone, but he takes an older man's pride in the fact that he made it at all.
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